we're damned after all, MCR
by Ldecosta
Summary: how did Gerard grow up, fifteen years, MCR is one of the biggest bands, but when Gerard's high school bully apologises, all the mommories come flooding back,they enough to drown him?
1. Chapter 1

Gerard sat on the floor as the beaming white light shone above his head. His skin prickled in the cold shower, just letting the droops of water trickle down his dyed red hair. He watched as water ran with red. It was either the dye or the blood from his head, he didn't care. After encountering and then repeatedly being kicked and punched by Tobias Hankel, his bully, he had run home, dizzily unaware that his head was bleeding, up until he collapsed.

He dried himself with a freshly washed towel, a rare luxury in the Way household. Gerard felt his cool bedsheets against his pale, deathly skin. He felt like if he just stayed right there, time could stand still, he could drift to sleep for as long as he wanted.

The morning came too quickly, the cold morning air, most people enjoyed, Gerard feared, as he feared what torture his school day would bring.

Gerard slipped out of pajamas and put his tattered black t-shirt on as well as his leather jacket. He found his eyeliner and quickly applied it around his eyes and grabbed his balaclava.

He smelt burnt toast and tried to slip out of his house without waking his hungover father, sat in his favorite recliner chair, with the strong smell of liquor flooding the room.

Luckily, Gerard's dad was more hungover than expected and didn't notice his on slip out with his little brother. The walk to school was not more than fifteen minutes.

"Mikey, have you got your lunch?"

"Umm... no. SORRY, I just forgot."

" uhh fine, here's a fiver, buy yourself whatever you want and wait for me outside of school when schools finish okay"

Gerard kneeled down and hugged his younger brother.

The first day of senior year and Gerard had no money for lunch.


	2. Chapter 2

Gerard walked past those red lockers, Gerard knew the inside off by heart after having spent many hours being locked in them.

He walked to his desk, the only one in his class that had scribbled and doodles from top to bottom of the wooden frame.

He sat down, five minutes before school started and blasted his misfits song into his ears, not caring for the hearing damage.

"Hi class, this is the new student" miss strat announced to the class.

"His name is Frank Iero and he will be joining permanently, go sit down now and we can get started with the lesson" she motioned to the seat next to Gerard. Gerard examined the new kids face, he wore an oversized hoodie and had dark black hair, swept over his left eyes, and a bag with a gigantic misfits log. Oh my lord, he looked like him and Gerard would get on just fine.

Gerard spent most periods sitting in his seat, a sketchbook in front of him, trying to make it through the day so he could head

Lunch drew close and Gerard knew what that meant, this time he didn't even care, he didn't try to avoid Tobias, he just walked straight up to his locker.

He felt a hand grab the back of his head by his bright red hair and slam his face into his locker.

"Wats up dipshit" Tobias smirked.

Gerard fell to the dirty lino floor and gripped his bloody nose.

"I said what's up dickweed," Tobias said as his so-called friends came and circled Gerard.

"Just fuck off" Gerard muttered

"EXCUSE ME WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY"

"I said fuck off, I too tired for your bullshit"

Tobias looked at his goons as they began kicking Gerard in the ribs.

"Well if you're so tired Maybe you need some sleep," Tobias said as a dirty grin grew on his face.

The boys picked up Gerard and shoved him in the dark janitors closet, they locked the door and turned the lights off.

"Fuck, I'm gonna fail math," Gerard thought to himself.

Four hours drew on and Gerard heard the last bell, to dismiss the whole school.

"God fucking shit, Mikey."

Gerard thought back to when he told Mikey to wait for him. He hated leaving his little brother alone, he was supposed to protect him, even if it meant he got beat up more often, he loved his little brother more than anything in the world, after Gerard's dad had started day drinking, Gerard's mum had had enough, one day, Gerard got home and she was gone. Mikey was all he had left and he would do anything for him.

Gerard didn't hate his mum for leaving him, it was that she left him and his brother with his dad that made him hate her. Why did she leave them, why couldn't she have just taken them with her? Every holiday, be it birthdays, New Years, Christmas, they got a postcard from her and her new husband off in Canada. He often felt like she did it just to rub in how good she was doing and how he was stuck in that pit.

Gerard gripped what he hoped was a hammer, unsure as the room was pitch black. He started banging the door as hard as he could, only to remember just how weak and hungry he was. Instead of trying to attract someone's attention he aimed as best as he could for the lock, after a few tries he heard the sound of snapping plastic, he felt the weight of the world fly of his shoulders.

He opened the door, blood on his face, a hammer in his hand, only to confronted by the deputy headmaster, who saw Gerard and began shouting at him to "GET IN MY OFFICE! NOW"

Gerard sighed and put his dipped his head down, and walked into the dusty, molding office, as he sat down on the worn out leather seats, a cloud of dust spread out beneath him.

"So do you want to explain why you didn't show up to class today, or why you have blood on your face, and we're destroying school property"

"Uhh yeah," a migraine emerged at the back of Gerard's head. "Well I was shoved in there before lunch and I tried to get someone's attention but no one came, I also have to walk my little brother home so I decided to break out"

" is that true" the deputy cast Gerard an unimpressed look. " because what I think happened is you went in the closet, to get out of lessons and then the janitor locked you in there"

" What? No, I told you I was pushed in, by Tobias, Tobias Hankel"

" I don't think that is a very good excuse, the rough ways that boys go through puberty, it makes them more agitated, this is just something everybody goes through and is no excuse for missing half a days worth of lessons, you have detention tomorrow, you are dismissed"

"What, that's so unfair, bu.." Gerard was cut off by the deputy head tutting and wagging his finger.

"Now it's a week, get out of my office, school finished half an hour ago"

Gerard hadn't realised the time, oh god, he thought, Mikey is still waiting, dad's gonna kill is me.

Gerard raced through the empty halls to the front gates, he grabbed his little brothers arm and the two of them ran all the way home, which surprised Gerard as he was the least athletic person in his year and was constantly picked on for being so.

Gerard stopped at his front door, and making sure he or Mikey didn't make a sound he opened his front door, hoping his dick of a father was passed out from his day drinking, Gerard was not that lucky.

"Where were you two" Gerard smelt the strong scent of liquor on his filthy father's breath, his father wore nothing but a plaid shirt, unbuttoned, and a white vest underneath, a pair of dirty underwear and two foul smelling socks.

" sorry, we.. I got held up, it is not Mikey a fault."

"You know I spend all day at work, paying for this crappy place and come home to a failure of a kid, Mikey go to your room" Mikey quickly nodded and scuttled off to his small plain room, leaving Gerard alone with his father.

"Look I'm sorry, it's not my fault, I was shoved in a closet and locked in."

"Oh so my weak little pathetic kid was picked on, well, WE'LL JUST HAVE TO TOUGHEN YOU UP"

Gerard was quickly grabbed by his collar and dragged through his tiny, filthy, one story home, and shoved in an even smaller closet.

"And you'll stay there until tomorrow, that'll teach you not to be late."

Gerard put his back up against his wall and fell the emptiness in his stomach, he slowly drifted off, letting the blissful darkness envelop him, just for a while at least. "


	3. Chapter 3

**Told from Patrick's POV**

"Uhh sir, I also need the toilet."

"Oh yes that's fine, just be quick and don't spend any time messing about in the bathroom."

I quickly opened the door, but made sure not to make a sound, I wanted to jump Gerard, scare him, but I saw him head off in the opposite direction to the bathroom.

Oh he was off to do some shady stuff, I had caught him doing drugs before, I stole them and sold them, he's such an idiot.

I waited outside the boys locker room for a few minutes, just so he wouldn't expect me.

I pushed the door in and smiled.

It immediately faded.

I saw Gerard slumped in a shower cubicle, the door open and a razor in one hand, that had already been cut, and he was about to cut the other.

I ran as fast as I could and knocked the razor out of his hand, he jumped at the sight of me and dove to retrieve the razor, I held him to restrain him, he was crying and begging for me to let him go.

Oh god, this was my fault, the awful things I did to him, it's only because I was going through my own things, I'm failing everything and I just found out I'm loosing my sports scholarship.

I never meant for him to do this

 **SAME EXPERIENCE. TOLD FROM GERARDS POV**

I walked into the locker room, memories of having my clothes stolen and taking antidepressants flood back with every breath.

I look in my pocket for the small sharpener, I threw it across the room and let shards of sharp plastic fly.

I took the cold blade and headed to a shower. I put it to my cold, pale skin, the first rip felt like it was a burning pain that slowly subsided and I felt like reality was slowly slipping from me.

I heard the door creak open and my heart stopped beating, the blood stopped flowing and our eyes locked on each other, we stayed fixed on each other for mere seconds, but for me, it felt like a painful eternity.

Patrick's bloody athletic body meant he tackled me with ease, his hard shoulders ramming into my ribs. He wrapped his muscular arms round me and held my arms at my waist

"Stop it, let me go, I'm doing everyone a favour," I said as I struggled, reaching for the bloody razor.

He just held me tighter, I didn't realize I was shaking until he held my tear soaked head to his head, we rocked back and forth.

Soon black dotts danced solemnly in the corners of my eyes, I felt him pick me up, he seemed so surprised at how light I was, how faded I was becoming. He ran outside an arm under my knees and my arms.

I heard him screaming into his phone for an ambulance and screams of students coming out of school to see me, unfortunately was not an unfamiliar sound.

I heard melodic beeps that mimicked my heart beat and my vision faded quicker and quicker, maybe this was how my life was always supposed to end, maybe in another world I was never found, maybe in another world, I had a life worth living, maybe.


	4. Chapter 4

After multiple mocking remarks from everyone Gerard came close to that day, Gerard knew he couldn't keep his blotchy red/blue head of hair, so when the end of the day came around, Gerard met up with Mikey and they headed quickly to the chemist. He bought a bottle of dye with his lunch money, that he never even got to use.

The two boys hurried all the way back home and they both headed to their separate rooms.

Gerard locked himself in the bathroom and started to dye his hair. He had become fairly routine with dying his hair. He loved bright hair colors and would often dye his hair just for the fun of it.

After a while, he washed it out, and he had perfectly bleached platinum blond hair. He began to slowly trim his hair, taking precaution not to cut himself.

He snuck into the grimy kitchen and put a pizza just big enough for the two boys in the oven to cook. Ever since his mum left Gerard had been in charge of cooking for his little brother, packing his lunches and making sure he ate enough. Mikey was only one and a half years younger than Gerard, and yet he felt so protective of his little brother.

Soon the pizza was done, and the delicious scent of cooked dough and melted cheese wafted from the oven. Slowly, he took the pizza out, halved it and grabbed two plates.

"Hey buddy"

"Yeah?"

"I have pizzaaaaaaa"

"Come in," Mikey said with a giddy grin on his face and his guitar in his hands. Mikey has always wanted a guitar but they were too poor. So Gerard had saved up all his money and bought him one for his birthday. This year, Gerard didn't think anyone would send him anything, well, Frank has already given him a proper pair of black sleet headphones that had crystal clear sound, as opposed to his old earbuds that were falling apart.

"So, new hair colour"

"Well yeah, I couldn't just keep that blotchy mess"

Mikey sniggered.

"So how's guitar going"

"Oh great, I have just got my grade 6"

After Gerard got Mikey a guitar, Mikey had been teaching himself how to play it.

"Yeah, also Frank has offered to tutor me."

"Oh really, has he"

"Yeah he has finished all his grades, he is soooo cool."

The two boys simply sat on Mikey's bed and ate their pizza with the soothing sounds of green day in the background.

"GERARRRRRRRRRD"

Gerard heard his father call him from the small living room. Gerard jogged into the living room to see his father, drunk and angry.

"Gerard, what's going on with your hair," he said hazily.

"I, uh, I dyed it"

"Why would you do that, I'm not paying for you to be all fragile and girly, going round dying your hair,"gerards dad said as he swayed back and forth.

"ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME," he shouted.

"yes" Gerard muttered.

"I SAID DID YOU HEAR ME" he shouted even louder and threw his empty beer bottle across the room and grabbed the collar of his raggedy grey top.

"yes, YES I DID" Gerard spoke up this time.

"Don't you talk back to ME," he picked Gerard up and walked dizzily over to the basement stairs opened the door and threw Gerard down the small set of steps.

Gerard felt the hard concrete floor smashed into his skull and each breath of oxygen exit his lungs.

The door shut as quickly as it opened and the sound of clicking metal locking him in the small, wet, pitch black basement.

The familiar feeling of stuck in the darkness crept up gerards skin and prickled the hair on his neck, not hthe orst birthday he'd ever had.


	5. Chapter 5

A hollow knocking sound oke Gerard yet again.

"Gerard, GET UP, Please, MUM'S HERE"

Gerard dizzily got up and jerked awake at the mention of their mother. he ran up the stairs, cuts, and bruises up and down his body and dirt on his face.

"open the door Mikey," Gerard said impatiently

A small click was quickly followed with Gerard thrusting the door open and marching over to the front door. he swung it open to see his mum, she looked younger somehow than she did when she left. her long, wavy, blond hair blowing the breeze and her orange top and short white skirt were all very unfamiliar to Gerard. she had a relieved look on her face when she saw that he answered the door and not Gerards passed out father.

"Hi honey, I know it's been a while, but I tried to come visit yesterday but I heard your father shouting and I couldn't give you your present." she had a pleading look on her face as if she was asking for her 18-year-old sons' forgiveness. she held out a small brown paper wrapped box with a red ribbon tied around it.

"it's fine, I don't want it," Gerard began to shut the small blue door on his mum, but before he could, she shoved her foot in the way.

"come on honey, why don't you want it," she held it out further.

"I don't want it"

"WHY NOT, CAN'T YOU SEE I'M SORRY"

"BECAUSE, mum, I don't want anything to do with you," Gerard blurted out only to remember not to wake his father in fear of a repeat of last night.

"well, I know what I did, leaving your father may not have been easy but you can't blame me!"

"No actually I don't blame you for leaving him, I blame you for not taking us with you," Gerard slowly shut the door behind him. " I blame you for being so selfish you just left us here, leaving us here so he can take his anger out on us, on me. I blame you for not making HIM leave, knowing fully well that when you left we would HAVE to stay here. I blame you for putting yourself first"

"look, I'm, I'm, I'm sorry" Gerards mother began to tear up.

"NO, it is much too late for that, you know that since you abandoned us he just beats us more?"

"I DID NOT ABANDON YOU"

"YES YOU DID"

"NO, I was gonna come back, I am coming back, im back, I'm not letting you stay here any longer"

"what are you on about?"

"well I'm taking you with me, well not you, I'm taking Mikey, I only have enough space for one of you, but I will have more, enough for both of you, just give me time"

"NO, NO, NO, NO, YOU ARE NOT TAKING HIM" Gerard shouted, no longer caring if Mikey of his father was listening.

His mother stopped crying, puffed up her chest and pushed past Gerard, she rattled the door handle but she couldn't open it. By this time in Gerards life, he was now taller than his mother and could easily intimidate her but all she saw him as was the beating bag people used him for.

"I'm not letting you in."

"Gerard I am your mother, you will open this door RIGHT NOW!"

"No, you don't get to do that, you don't get to call yourself that.'

Suddenly the door began to open to reveal Mikey standing there confused as to what was going on outside between his shouting mother and brother. Mikey's mum grabbed his hand and began to haul him unwillingly to her small blue ford across the small suburban street.

"What, Gerard what's happening," Mikey said as the worry grew in his tone.

Gerard quickly ran and caught up with her and refused to let her move, he too grabbed her and Mikey's hands and pulled them apart.

She slapped Gerard right across the face, pushed him on his back, grabbed Mikey and shoved him into her car, got in the front and drove away, from the dizzy vision, he saw that small blue ford drive away, again.

How had she stolen him away so quickly, he was just here a minute ago? maybe it is best, now his dad can't hurt him. how was he supposed to say goodbye, how was Frank going to teach him to play guitar, how was he gonna see him graduate.

Tears rushed down his face which stopped the second his father walked out of the house, haven being awoken from his drunken coma, by the shouts of Gerard. his father locked eyes with him and Gerard slowly shook his head. not today he thought, he had had too much taken away from him, his father was not going to take his anger for having such a crappy life out on Gerard.

Gerard turned around, in the middle of the street and just began to run, his own blood on his hands, but he just kept running.


	6. Chapter 6

There was one place Gerard went when he felt like his world was falling apart, this one park he went to to get high, but hadn't been in over a month, ever since he met Frank, he feared that if Frank ever found out about his past drug problems, they would no longer be friends, and right then, Frank was all Gerard had, and he was very much worth it.

The very thought of that park made him feel sick, it wasn't your average suburban park, it was full of homeless people, some of which Gerard knew very well, full of cigarette smoke and the sound of coughing, most places in town looked like they were from completely different places, some parts were rich and had neatly paved driveways and climbing frames outside each house, whereas other parts looked like they were drug and crime-ridden, both types of areas vigorously hated the other..

Gerard paced down the high street, there were people everywhere, most scared of him but some were worried about him. Gerard sat on the only empty bench. Maybe If he just sat there forever, he would never have to face the real world, he could just sit here, and be with his thoughts. But a lot of the time his thoughts scared him, scared him with the idea of running away, with the thoughts of suicide, leaving his brother all alone, just like his mum had.

What am I gonna do? Where am I gonna go? He thought. He could go home, hut his dad might literally kill him, he had come close before. He couldn't call his mum, no chance. He couldn't sleep in the Park for a week again, last time he had done that he almost caught pneumonia. Frank, he could call Frank, innocently ask to stay the night, yeah, that could work for him. Gerard ecstatically jumped up and began to walk to the nearest pay phone, he walked past bakers shops, clothing shops, games shops, Gerard could never afford anything in these shops but he always wondered what freshly made bread tastes like, seeing as the only bread they could afford was stale loads that had their prices cut down.

He walked straight out in the road, what to get to the phone on the other side.

That's when he felt the hard metal of a car impact him and his whole world began spinning.


	7. Chapter 7

The wail of ambulance sirens felt as if they could split Gerard's head in two. He felt pain in his whole body. His head was throbbing harder than his heart. He could hear screams and could faintly see the outline of worried people crowding him.

When he woke, he was in a bed, a clean bed, Gerard hadn't slept in a clean bed in a very long time. He took a moment to appreciate the cool covers as the covered his bruised skin.

As blissful as it was, it soon came to an end as a busy doctor walked in, she had short brown hair and wore a white set of scrubs.

"Hi sweetie, I'm dr.woolls, I'm here to help if you need anything," she said softly as not to startle Gerard.

"W..w..what happened," Gerard said trying to recall how he ended up in a hospital bed.

"Well, you were in a car accident, you have been asleep all weekend, you have a fractured arm and a pretty messed up lung, we have given you an arm brace, but for your lungs, you should carry this inhaler for a bit, you should take it once every two hours, otherwise you could have an asthma attack," she said sweetly

"Okay" Gerard simply said and nodded.

"You can discharge yourself but we advise family come to help you out, but we can't get hold of anyone," she said as a worried look flooded her face.

"I'll be fine," Gerard said, what to leave.

"Well the other issue is that you had many previous fractures and bruises, but you have hardly been admitted for them."

"Oh, um, yeah, my mum used to be a doctor and so she would just fix me up."

"Oh well, that's fine, we'll get your things and you just need to sign yourself out."

"Um.. what happened to the driver.?"

"Well he was driving drunk but he didn't get hurt at all, he has been arrested and his insurance covers you medical bill so you have nothing to worry about," she said in that same soft tone.

It took a while for his bloody clothes to come back to him, he still had money from when he was going to use a pay phone.

He walked down that same street, pills and his inhaler in his pocket, he got himself a new t-shirt and headed back to the pay phone.

He quickly dialled the familiar number.

"Hey is Frank there."

"Of course just give me one moment honey," franks mum said sweetly.

"Hey, Gerard what's up."

"Umm," Gerard found it hard to find the right words to say.

"I'm in a bit of trouble, can I stay the night at your house," Gerard said, realising his eyes began to swell with tears.

"Uh yeah of course, get over here."

"Thanks." Gerard quickly said, before handing up the phone, trying to hold back the tears as he didn't want to cry over the phone.


	8. Chapter 8

Gerard awkwardly stood outside Franks house, he had changed into his new blue top and ditched his old bloody one. He rang the bell and was relieved to see Frank open the door.

"Geez what happened to your arm," Frank said shocked to see Gerard's arm in a cast.

"Oh yeah, I'll explain it all."

"Come in, let's go upstairs."

Even though Gerard has visited the Iero household many times before, every time he walked in, he was taken back by how big it was.

The two boys sat on Franks bed and shut the door behind them.

Gerard began to explain what had happened, the being locked in the basement, his mum taking Mikey away, the car accident, the fact that no one showed up in the hospital to take him home. Before he had even got to the fact he hadn't eaten in over three days he had streams of tears coming down his face. Rank hugged Gerard and let him sob into Franks black t-shirt

"Oh my god, I thought you had it bad at school, I never thought you'd have it worse at home."

The two boys headed downstairs and put a pizza in the oven.

"I don't know what I'm gonna do, I miss Mikey so much."

"I'm know, but we'll get him back, I promise. You know, if your father was abusive and your mum was gone for more than 7 months, you technically become Mikey's legal guardian."

"What really, how do you know that?"

"Well both my parents are lawyers, even though we are constantly moving, it's fun."

"Well I gotta go get him, I gotta go to Canada and get him back!"

"Gerard, you can't afford to go to Canada and back, you can't even drive."

"I.. I... I know but I know I gotta get him back somehow."

"We'll get him back but we have school tomorrow so we should eat, this gigantic pizza and go get some sleep."

The boys did just that, they ate the entire pizza and went straight to bed.


	9. Chapter 9

The sun rose from drinks bedroom window, shining on Franks dark grey walls, with various band posters, plastered up. Similar to Gerard's except Gerard taped up scraps of posters people had thrown out because magazines had been too expensive.

A small alarm clock woke the two kids. The morning seemed quiet and slow. They managed to get dressed eat breakfast and be driven to school in silence.

The gates of the school felt like the gates of hell for Gerard. The vacant stares of every person he walked past unnerved him. Gerard and Frank had separate classes and now Gerard was alone. Last night, Frank had fallen asleep instantly but Gerard hadn't slept, all he could think about was getting his brother back.

The classes seemed slower than normal as if time was reluctant to exist.

When lunch grew close, Gerard went looking for Frank, but no matter where he looked no matter where he went, Frank was nowhere to be found. Gerard checked the medical rooms, the library but Frank was gone.

Frank grabbed his lunch money and left school, he found a pay phone and called Frank.

"Hey, where are you?"

Gerard heard sniffles from the other side.

"Yeah um, my, my, my family is moving. We are leaving tomorrow, turns out that they decided a week ago but didn't tell me."

"What no, what, I need to see you, please don't go."

"Look I'm really sorry but we are going to visit the new house and decide on rooms."

"Can't you at least come say goodbye?"

"I don't know, I'm sorry, we will stay in touch, we can call each other."

To continue the call insert another quarter.

Gerard hung up, he slumped to the floor, he couldn't take it anymore! What was the point in going back inside, graduation was in a month. He just had to hold out one month, one month, then he could rent a place, get a job, get Mikey back, get Frank back, one month.

He walked back into school. The empty seat in his classes made his heart sink. He had lost everything.

"Hey, heard you were in a car accident, that sounds pretty rough," Tobias said mockingly.

"Yeah" Gerard muttered. To depressed to deal with Tobias.

"Well that sucks, almost as much as this," Tobias launched his fist into Gerard's stomach Gerard didn't even flinch. He was so done with being used as a punching bag. This time he punched back. He threw his fist at Tobias, felling a satisfying crack of Tobias' nose under his knuckles.

Tobias screamed out in pain, he grabbed Gerard's neck and held Gerard up, chocking him, Gerard struggled but it was only when a group of girls came to grab Tobias off of Gerard, screaming to "get off of him!"

Tobias finally let go of Gerard and let him fall to the floor, gasping for air. Tobias opened the door to the janitor's cupboard. Picked up the gasping Gerard stripped him of his jacket and backpack and threw him in the cupboard.

Gerard was in that same closet, in the dark, with empty lungs, unable to fill them with oxygen, he began panicking as the asthma attack continued.

"TOBIAS, what have you done with Gerard?" Frank yelled as he sprinted down the crowded halls of the school.

"Why are you here? Word is you finally manned up and ditched the dickweed."

"where is he Tobias?"

"you know I've never had a problem with you."

Frank quickly pushed past Tobias and followed the sounds of banging. Frank came to that same janitors' closet.

"hey it's me, I came back"

there was no reply.

"Hey, im sorry."

"please don't be mad, Gerard, Gerard," Frank said worriedly

"hey Gerard, hey" he frantically unlocked the door to find a chocking Gerard. he was pointing to his backpack.

frank reached into his backpack, among many bottles of pills, he found Gerards inhaler and gave it to Gerard.

Gerard felt the air flood back into his lungs like water rushing around them. The dark black blur faded from his vision. the ringing in his ears faded and Frank wrapped his arms around Gerard unaware of the large group of kids gathering around them.


	10. Chapter 10

The cold morning quickly dawned, the warm glow of the sun made the hair on Gerards neck stand up. They had the smallest amount of money, barely enough to get by, but these two messed up kids felt like they could rule the world from their small bedroom, watching tv with a bowl of pasta. A place of their own was truly worth it.

The familiar smell of burnt toast and coffee always made Gerard feel at home, whether or not that was the feeling of happiness or the fear of being beaten, it was home alright. this time he was gonna go home to the cold apartment, be wrapped up in blankets not bruises, when Gerard looked at his tiny bathroom, he didn't see the room he cut himself in, the room where he took pills and cleaned head injuries, instead he saw, warm showers and the scent of toothpaste. The night before, Gerard had dyed his hair back to that familiar bright red, it was his favorite, and his dark roots began showing through his pure white locks.

The walk to school used to be an activity of Gerard instinctively protecting his younger brother, but now, they are a blissful moment, when all was quiet, finally peaceful enough to hear his heartbeat, just to remind him that he was alive, the white noise of people was drowned out by silence.

The school had been flooded by the judging stares of rich parents, confused as to who possibly would show up to their graduation ceremony in leather jackets, coloured eyeliner and ripped jeans, well two messed up kids wouldn't have it any other way. When they looked back on their Highschool moments they wanted to see the best parts, not the furious teachers and bullies, who were actually almost as messed up as them, but just had no other release.

"Tracy Chapman, come up to collect your graduation scroll," as over one hundred names had been read off, Finally Franks rolled around.

"Frank I-air-o I-ear-o, Frank come get your scroll," the headmaster said as he struggled to pronounce Frank's last name.

Frank strutted up the small staircase and smugly received his diploma, the socially acceptable amount of applause came and Frank hurried off the stage, it was another twenty minute before they got around to W

"Gerard Way," the head said surprised that Gerard had actually graduated.

Gerard walked up the stairs and shyly accepted his high school diploma, from the man who let eighteen years of bullying slip.

Soon the dreaded kiss photo was nearing, twenty couples piled onto the small wooden stage, stuck-up rich girls in thousand dollar heels and mommas boys with a college fund bigger than their ego all pile up in pairs. Frank and Gerard just had their eyes on each other, on each other's lips, hips, hands.

The photographer stood in front of the parade of chairs and began positioning couples.

"ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four,!

Gerard and Frank ran up either end of the stage, grabbed each other's hips, embraced each other and kissed in unison with the others.

FLASH

Time seemed to stand still, just for them, just for the eyes that stared at them, unsure whether or not to have them removed oo cheer for them. after a few moments, the surrounding couples took notice, except for one disgusted cheerleader, all the girls erupted in cheers, most of the guys did too, most except Tobias and his friends.

Neither Frank or Gerards parents had shown up to their graduation, but that was fine, as long as they had each other because as the faced the world together, skimming for cash through playing guitar gigs and selling online comics, they would own the world. they soon ran off the stage and headed to the back building, they were adults, adults who had graduated and were starting their life off by going to get their kinda kidnapped brother. gerard pushed Franks back against the brick wall and began passionately kissing him, hauling him iin closer, both hands on Frank back, bringing their bodies in closer


	11. Chapter 11

They packed a spare pair of clothes, $300, Frank's guitar and an iPod and they got on the fastest train to Ottowa, Canada, the train was relatively narrow was full of busy commuters going to work, and people visiting loved ones., the seats were blue felt and the tables were plastic, the two boys could go nowhere without receiving odd looks from people who immediately they were going to mug them.

The train journey consisted of long hot, cramped hours and peaceful lonely hours. sometimes it was a case of there being so many people on the train that they were practically falling out, other times, Gerard and Frank had the whole carriage to themselves, Frank would play guitar with Gerard singing, like it as the sweet background music of a romcom., as the evening drew by, and most passengers had left, Frank and Gerard indulged in each other, falling asleep on one an other's collarbones, taking n the scent of eachother, just letting time pass them, letting the warm sun glow fall on their sholders.

They just drifted into each other, letting their worries be forgotten. before they could even wake up they had reached the end of the line; Ottawa. Gerard slowly peeled his eyes open.

"Shit, Gerard get up, we made it, we're actually here," Frank said as he grabbed his bag and guitar.

"let's go get Mikey."

the two boys ran off the train and made their way through crowds of people visiting Canada for the holidays. they reached a fleet of orange taxis.

"How much to Mirabel and back?"

"just the two of you?"

"we're picking someone up when we get there."

"well, it's not too far from here so about twenty-nine bucks."

Gerard rifled through his pockets, to check he had enough, aside from the rattling of pills, he had enough cash for a taxi there and back.

The two boys piled their belongings into the trunk of the taxi. The car journey wasn't long, but the fear and excitement that was bubbling in Gerard's stomach made it feel like hours. then the taxi man pulled up to the house that Gerard had the only seen in picture and postcards.

"pay me for this journey, I'll wait here, and you go get your friend and we will drive back."

"that's perfect, we won't be too long."

Gerard and Frank ran up the paved driveway and looked at the luscious, well-cut green grass. the tall modern styled house intimidated Gerard, back home, the had a one-story house that never had warm water, here he would at least have the tall windows and neat gardens, what if it was for the best, what if he would be happier here, safer here.

Frank looked at Gerard, it was like he was off in his own world, his thoughts seemed to bombard him, he and Gerard had talked about them before, but he felt kind of useless against them.

"I don't know whether I can go through with this, I mean, he might be better off here."

"Gerard, all you have thought about for four weeks, is getting him back, you know he wishes he was with you."

"Okay, you're right."

A sweating and slightly nervous Gerad walked up to the thick wooden door. he rung it, and felt all the air escape his lungs, he still had an arm cast on and the appropriate amount of painkillers in his pocket, but the air in his lungs seemed to leave him all alone every now and then.

"Oh, my go Gee."

Mikey hugged Gerard so tight he as brought back to reality, back from the worry that maybe his mum's new husband could answer the door. Gerard felt the air return to his lungs. he hugged his younger brother.

"we're here to take you home!"

"What, how?"

"Mum's not your legal guardian, I am." a smile grew on both the way brothers faces.

"but where are we going to go, we cant go back to dad's."

"I have my own little place."

"Oh my god! really?"

"Yeah, now come on we got to get going,"

"just give me a minute to grab some stuff and tell Roger, that's mum's new husband, he hates me and didn't even want me here, he'll be happy no that I'm going."

Gerard watched Mikey go back into the unfamiliar house and return with a large duffle bag.

"come on."

It had been three months since Mikey had come home, he was back at school, and Gerard and Frank were playing gigs together, to get money, Mikey often joined them, they would do covers of all their favorite bands, hen they were on stage, the felt like the best people in the universe, like kings and queens in ripped up jeans.


	12. Chapter 12

**Twenty Years Later**

It had been a week since their biggest gig, Reading festival, over 100,000 people went to watch them, now they were touring with blink-182. the four boys never actually expected to make it this far.

They were now touring America. Gerard had never been happier, well at least until he heard the news that they were visiting their hometown, to do a gig, apparently, it had sold out in less than five minutes. Frank and Gerard spent all nights reminiscing in nostalgic music and memories of their tiny apartment, and the fact they could only afford pasta, so they started playing gigs and now they were millionaires.

The bus windows showed sights of their hometown, it was like traveling back in time, all the memories, good and bad, they all came flooding back. Gerard thought about his parents, maybe they deserved to meet their grandchildren. His husband.

No, they left him, they took everything from him, he wasn't going to let them into his life.

They stayed in the most expensive hotel in the whole place, when Gerard was a kid, he always wished to stay there, to know what it was like to get room service and new sheets. now, hotels had become a common part of his life. his kids either stayed at home with Frank and Gerad's friends or they came along, they loved seeing the world, and their parents loved to make them happy, so they often took them along to shows, however, this time they were staying home.

Gerard hardly slept that night, as memories of broken ribs, cigarettes and drugs washed played in his head like a broken projector, looping all of his worst moments.

Frank lay sleeping next to him, he didn't want to wake him, but he needed to get up and tire himself out, he threw on a plain dark grey top, slipped into a leather jacket, and jeans and headed out into the cold dark streets.

he found himself running and walking with no direction, and before he knew it he had landed band at the front of his high school gates, he hadn't even realised that is where his feet were taking him, but after a decade of walking the same route to school, it seemed to be hardwired into his brain.

He looked up at the school, it was just like it was when he and Frank were beaten up, when they kissed on stage, when he got hit by a they had graduated, they never looked back at the school or anyone that went there, they met Ray Torro, and began to play gigs, people actually seemed to like their music. they had just released danger days, and they were touring the world with blink-182, and yet those school gates made him feel like a kid again. he kept walking and soon ran all the way back to the hotel, exhausted, Gerard fell asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow.


	13. Chapter 13

There was a buzz of energy on the stage, Gerard didn't know whether it was his pure excitement to show off how well he had turned out or the pure fear that he might see someone from his childhood that made him shake. The show was incredible, Gerad had perfect vocals, Frank never missed a beat, Mikey had perfect sounds and the world felt like it was no match for them. much of Gerard and Frank's childhood showed in the music they wrote. they sang about hating themselves, running from the cops, living forever, fading in the dark.

As they played the light behind your eyes, Gerard thought he might break down crying in the middle of the stage, he felt his own heart aching, trying to get the words out had never hurt so much. Gerard had written this song, and every time he sang it, he felt all those suicidal thoughts rushing back. even though he had it all now, he still was broken every time he sang it. they way it made him feel was like the world had come crashing down, and he loved that, because every single time that happened, Frank was there to catch him and vice versa.

It was the aftermath that scared Gerard. it was when the final song was over that he saw him, standing in the corner with his excited teenage daughter, who had obviously dragged him along to the concert, screaming "MCR, MCR, MCR," it was Tobias, he looked different, less bulky, less tall, he wore a plain plaid shirt, he had gained alot of eight and his darkbrown hair showed in his short beard, surprised that it was Gerard up on that stage, that his Daughter was crushing on the kid he picked on relentlessly all throughout high school, but as their eyes locked, Gerard felt his whole world come crashing down. His heartbeat sped up by a thousand beats a second, he was paralyzed, standing in the midst of what felt like a dream. Gerard felt Franks hand on his shoulder, but Gerard didn't move.

"come on Gee... Gee... Gee!"

Frank followed Gerards eyesight to see Tobias, a wave of panic drenched Frank. He had to use physical force to get Gerard off the stage.

"Hey, Hey... Gee," Frank said, desperately trying to get Gerard's attention.

"oh... yeah... um" Gerard searched for anything to say but he couldn't find anything, nothing described the hole he felt opening in his stomach.

Frank pulled Gerard into a hug and stroked his red locks, trying to calm him down.

The car journey home was silent. silence never seemed so loud. the ringing in Gerard's ears that came with each show seemed soothing, instead of head splitting.

As they pulled up to Hotel, it as still light, summer days seemed to last forever. Gerard was simply fixated on getting to the hotel room alive, they were staying in Gerard's hometown for another week, Gerard had ecided he just wanted to spend the whole week sleeping, That's when he saw him standing sheepishly outside the hotel doors, lost in space, Tobias actually came to see them.

Gerard stepped out of the Black SUV and quickly paced with his head down, hoping not to attract attention. quickly frank caught up.

"Hey, I saw you tonight, you guys were really good," Tobias said nervously.

Gerard shot him a look of hatred.

"look im sorry I was such a jerk in high school, but I just came to tell you that there is a high school reunion in two days time, none of us thought you would be able to come, but it looks like you might be able to ," Tobias said as he handed Gerard and frank each a copy of the heavy yearbook, both the boys were star struck to see eighteen-year-old versions of themselves kissing, in black leather, amongst blue graduation gown couples.

"OH, well thanks, but we're very busy and probably won't be able to come, sorry," Frank said, realizing that Gerard was still in an almost shocked state to see himself, young and broken.

Gerard and frank quickly hurried inside and went straight to the hotel room. they sat on the white sheets of their bed and looked at themselves, they thought of all the beatings, the smiles, and laughs they shared. Back then, it was them against the world.


	14. Chapter 14

"we could always go," Frank said as he made them both a cup of coffee.

"yeah, I guess, I just don't know if I'm ready," Gerard said nervously.

"it's been twenty years, plus they are all stuck in dead-end jobs here, and you and I are traveling the world together, just like we always said we would, and you... look really good," Frank said as a giddy grin crept up on both of their faces.

"I guess so, we can go for an hour or two."

frank pulled gerards hips closer to his and they kissed so deeply as if Frank could heal all the broken memories that Gerard took with him. They sat on the bed as Gerard hauled frank on top of his lap, they kissed for so long, the taste of each other felt so good. the body heat of Frank made Gerard's heart melt, he just wanted to spend eternity in his arms, to hold each other until their time ran out and live forever in their legacy.

That night, Gerard slept well, he always sleeps better next to frank.

Soon the dreaded night of the high school reunion came around.

Gerards hands were sweating and Frank kept trying to calm him down, the two kids showed up at every event, no matter how formal, they always turned up in roughed up jeans and leather jackets, why should this be any different, they were still the kids they were back then, they were just a bit taller, and had kids of their own, but they will never truly grow up.

Behind the gym doors that stood in front of Gerard was over 200 students, all of which had hurt him, all of which had laughed at him and applauded his bullies. he didn't know whether he should just turn back, but by his side stood a nervous Frank, when one of the two boys had to be strong, it usually was Frank but, high school rippled them both back to kids.

"you okay?" Gerard said.

"Yeah, let's go."

the two boys pushed open the gym doors, to find a dark room lit up with colored strobe and balloons positioned wherever there was space.

The hall full of eyes all turned to Gerard and Frank, the shocked faces of middle-aged people who hadn't amounted to anything, shocked to see the least likely kid of all of them, now a star. they quickly resumed their conversation, as they realized just how awkward they were being.

Slowly Tobias and his friends, all who had gained weight and gotten divorced, made their way to Gerard. Gerard began to fill with dread, not knowing what to expect was one of the hardest parts of it all. had he really changed, or was he just the same? was he jealous, angry, why would he want Gerard and Frank to come, if he hated them, why did he apologize, Gerard was bombarded by thoughts, so unsure of what to make of this four-second situation?

In the mere seconds, it took for Tobias and his old friends to reach Frank and Gerard felt like an eternity.

"look, I'm really glad you guys showed up today, I just wanted to apologize for all the crappy things I did back in high school."

"yeah it's fine honestly," he lied.

"no im serious, I was just going through things of my own, im really sorry," Tobias pleaded.

"it's honestly fine," he lied again, it would never be fine, he forgave Tobias for all the things he had done to Gerard but he couldn't ever forgive him for the things he made Gerard do to himself.


	15. Chapter 15

Frank was off chatting with the only other person that actually like Frank, bob, he hadn't really taken a liking to Gerard, but Gerard didn't mind because he just liked it when Frank was happy, if it meant that Frank spent time away from Gerard that was okay, because Gerard often needed time alone, to recharge, then spend all his energy on his kids, they had a wonderful daughter called Bandit and a son called Miles..

Gerard wondered the empty school halls and found his old locker, it looked so small, he wondered how anyone could possibly fit in it, well, it isn't exactly like he ever fit in it, they just shoved him in it and hoped it wouldn't explode, he had spent so long covering the inside of the locker door with art, hoping it wouldn't be as scary when he was shut in it. he heard footsteps behind him, it was a sheepish looking Tobias.

"look I know you don't forgive me, I don't exactly expect you to, I just really hope you know im sorry, I never really hated you, I was just messed up and wanted someone to take it out on, my parents took it out on me, they used to scream and shout at me a lot."

Gerard chuckled.

"What! DUDE, im trying to apologize to you, you shouldn't laugh, I know that sounds so stupid seeming as all throughout high school I laughed at you, but you of all people know that sucks!"

"no it's not you, it's just that, THAT'S your idea of your parents taking their anger out on you."

"well... yeah. what did yours do to you?"

"lock me in the basement, beat me, starve me, left me," Gerard said slowly, surprised that he was actually telling Tobias of all people.

"oh my god! seriously?"

"yeah, my childhood wasn't too fun."

"Oh my lord, if I had known I swear I wouldn't have done anything."

"yeah, whatever, it's fine"

"no, it's not, I would never have punched you, ever."

"punched me? what do you punch me," Gerard said confused.

"well yeah, I used to punch you, and I'm really sorry about it."

"wait, you don't seriously think you just punched me?"

"well yeah, I never did anything too serious, im not that bad of a person," Tobias said defensively.

"Are you KIDDING? what about the broken ribs, broken jaws, split lips, days on end in tiny spaces, constantly diminishing me, cutting and dying my hair, making me hate every part of myself! you ruined my childhood and you think you did that by punching me?" Gerad said furiously.

"geez, I'm sorry, but none of those things were that dangerous, they could've been worse, im sorry."

"no, NO, YOU DON'T GET TO BE SORRY, you dont get to come back here and act like it will all be alright because now my kids have to grow up with a dad with scars all up and down his arms, who doesn't like going to their shools because im still sared, after twenty years, I'm still scared of small spaces because you almosed suffocated me in one, you don't get to say you were working through some things, because I had nothing, NOTHING, and you had everything. I didn't have lunch most days because you would get to me first. I was beaten, arrested and I thought that was better than coming here, so no you don't get to be sorry, and I saw your daughter, at the show, she's quite the fan, but the ironic thing is, she's me, twenty years ago. I went to see my favorite bands, I wore their logos with pride, only to have them ripped off by you, I wonder if someone does that to her, I onder how many horrible thoughts she has, beacuse of people like you, it took me years and years to deal with what you did to me, for every single tim you took my lunch moey, even though you were RICH, that money meant nothig to you, but that as all the money I ever saw, I never got to look back on those year book photos and smile about all the crazy things me and my friends did, because my best friend only move here when I was eighteen, i got one year of glory, one, they other fifteen, all I wanted to do was get out of this fucking town, I wanted to esape so bad, but I couldn't leave my brother behind, because our mum already had, I did it by drugs and cigarretrs."

A horrified look washed over Tobias' face because of what he had just witnessed.

Gerard rolled up the left sleeve of his jackets, to reveal a cut up arm.

"You see, this is what I did to escape, and for so long, I thought it was my fault, my fault that my father was a drunk, who beat his kids up, that it was my fault that my mum abandoned us, that my rother found me next to an empty bottle of pills and had to take me to hospital himself because he was too scared to tell his father. but none of that was my fault. you see, i forgave you a long time ago for all the stupid things you did to me, all the times you tripped me up, or shoved me in my locker, all the times you kicked me in, gave me swollen lips and eyes, I moved on because I forgot, but these, stupid fucking scars, they don't go away, they're here for life, they're the reason I dont wear short sleeves, beacause if my kids ever saw them I don't know what I'd do. I can't be here, I... I... I need to go, Goodbye Tobias, I hope you have fun here!" Gerard said as he ran down the halls.

Desperately trying to find Frank, he found him in the middle of the dance floor, he ran up to him and grabbed his wrist, Frank pulled him in to dance. gerard was slightly surprised by this but soon danced along to the slow song that was playing.

They tucked themselves into each other's collarbones and slowly swayed, they just let the song playing move them, they had done this a lot when they were younger, dancing in an empty room, except they were now surrounded by couples awkardly attempting to do the same thing. They just swayed to the music and let their heartbeats mimik that of the music.


End file.
